Lucky Me!

I’m reading a book called The Happiness Project, by Gretchen Ruben, a gift from my sister, Paige (she knows me so well!). Anyone who spends any time with me, or reads my Facebook statuses knows that I am perpetually chasing inspiration, psychological perspectives, permissions, ah has, muses, spiritual insight, and maybe a little validation. So this book is perfect for me. Gretchen, (I can call her that because we are friends now, tho she doesn’t know I exist) is going to take her place on my bookshelf right beside my other gurus, like Brene’ Brown, Martin Seligman, Elizabeth Gilbert, Pema Chödrön, SARK, Don Miguel Ruiz, and others. I think these kinds of books highlight our shared journeys. We all have fears, desires, and dreams. We are, every one of us, unique, yet we have so much common ground. I simply adore self-exploration, and finding that I have far more in common with far more people than I ever knew, and BONUS! I also get to cling to my fabulous uniqueness!

I’m at a point in the book where the author confronts the fact that she will never be the person she envisions herself wanting to be. She will never be the kind of person who enjoys a trip to the jazz club at midnight, or jets off to Paris for the weekend, or is admired for her chic wardrobe. Like all of us, she is limited in her ability to experience all the wonders the world has to offer, and that brings her a tinge of sadness. Boy! Do I ever know how that feels!  I am completely empathetic to that feeling. But as I was reading that chapter I had a bit of an epiphany. Right in this moment, right now, this very second, I can’t connect with her sadness. I just don’t feel that wistful longing for things that will never happen. It’s not that I wouldn’t jump at the chance to travel anywhere in the world, or to further my education, or to afford a good housekeeper to bring order to the chaos that is my house, or even to want to experience and appreciate Avant guard art, or esoteric music, or boutique wines. But while I know that experiencing as much beauty and culture the world can offer can only serve to broaden me and bring me moments of joy, in the end that’s not what makes me happy. Being ME, loving and appreciating ME, who I am at my core, right now, warts and all is the only thing that will bring me lasting and sustained happiness. Worldly experiences bring momentary joy and opportunity to connect outwardly, widen my scope, and may even cause shifts in my nature. But right now, in this very moment I cannot be envious of those with opportunity. I like me. I like my story up to this point. I like my little world, even on smelly ol’ Dirty Bay. I like that I have the ability to connect with the beauty that surrounds me in my little everyday world. It’s my super power! Culture? I know and love some pretty cool people, who do pretty cool things, who lead pretty cool lives. Some are complex, wild, unique, talented, and full of life, love, kindness. Art and beauty? I may not have the opportunity to frequent the cultural centers of London, New York, Milan, or even Houston. But I have experienced the ethereal, haunting beauty of moss-draped cypress trees silhouetted against a quiet autumn pre-dawn sky from a tiny boat on the bayou. Roseate spoonbills, snowy egrets, and great blue herons roosting en masse on the edges of Lost River at sunset is far removed from Paris, but is none-the-less soul-stirring. Does this mean that I plan to keep my life’s status quo? Of course not! I love to seek out new adventures. I look forward to travel, to see what wonders are out there. In fact, I hope to spend loads and loads of time away from my hometown, even change my address at some point. But I’m here now, and I am soaking up this very special time, with very special people, in a very special place. It’s good to be me.