A Complaint

Grammer nerds; sorry not sorry… I write like I talk!

A few weeks back a friend of mine said that, because of my “positivity” I’m somehow vapid and uninformed, that I turn a blind eye to what’s going on in the world. I heard from him again this weekend. First, he apologized. He, his own self, is a relatively upbeat person, and he tries to stay balanced. He realized he was wrong to assume.

And then he said because I “only present as positive” that I am shallow! Again! Ha! I laughed!

Full disclaimer, he’s a good guy with whom I’ve had many wonderful and intimate conversations, (and he does know better about me).

 “SF, (my nickname for him)” I said… “We are inundated with flood after flood on front after front with negativity. And beyond the big “newsworthy” stuff, social media is filled with people who like to point out the bad, or complain about the least little thing without regard of other’s experience and humanity.” 

Now, y’all all know that some of my mottos are “You can’t love me if you don’t know me, warts and all” and “SCREAM YOUR PAIN.” We all need help from time to time. It’s vitally important that we stay informed about the world at large, and about each other.

But people often complain just because it’s what’s done, you know?  From bad waiter service, to woe is me I had a flat tire. I know people go through stuff, and I’m all for being open about life, (again, SCREAM YOUR PAIN!!). But so so SO many complain both from habit, and just because they think it makes them look cool, or it gets them attention… we’ve trained ourselves to look for the bad. And to complain about it. I mean look at me now… I’m complaining about complaining!

Back when I was working in schools I was guilty of trying to fit in by complaining about this teacher, that administrator, that parent… It was the culture. It was a way to connect with whoever was standing in front of me. A favorite complaint was teachers and staff perceived futility of their job… they sometimes felt that they were just floating these kids through for no good reason. They felt that the students would graduate with minimum effort, then go on to lead fruitless lives and such. But man! It started bringing me down! And I recognized what it was… we were all looking for things to complain about so we could “fit in”! But whatever resulting connections we were making weren’t authentic. You can’t trust someone who is just complaining about the people around them all…the…time! So I started trying to celebrate all the good stuff. Hey! Isn’t it cool that Mr. That Guy got his doctorate? Did you see the cool stuff Miss Soinso brought in for her treasure chest? What about that student who just passed the STARR and can now finally graduate? Isn’t that great??

(By the way, I have a particular student in mind, one who struggled to get that piece of paper in her hand, and I happen to know she’s doing GREAT, and it’s BECAUSE she got that piece of paper… she’s succeeding because the program and the people at Peter Hyland Center cared about her and guided her toward getting that piece of paper, and it’s a glorious thing! Those students might get their diploma and never do anything with it, or they might not do anything with it right away… but there are those who go on to do really great things with their lives. Folks in education sometimes forget that).

Yes, SF, there IS beauty and goodness in this world, and frankly it’s far more real than the contrived complaints with which we are bombarded on a daily basis, (and there is enough of the bad stuff out there… so why do we have to exaggerate the stuff that is just LIFE happening, minor inconveniences, like flat tires, or someone being a little late, or the waiter bringing the wrong thing???) If we would just open our eyes, love and goodness and beauty exists in far bigger quantities than we train ourselves to see. That’s all. That’s what I’m trying to say with all of this. 

Look; bad things happen. War, poverty, hunger… these are real and enduring problems and they deserve our attention. Our neighbors might get sick, experience loss, loneliness…We need to pay attention to each other, help each other get through life as much as we can. We HAVE to be there for each other. 

But instead, we complain. 

Love, positivity, and forgiveness are strengths. Not blindness, not willful ignorance, not weakness. Love, positivity, and forgiveness are practices essential for survival. They are food for the soul, full of spiritual calories that give us the energy we need to get through the bad stuff. 

I honestly think that’s what Jesus meant. I think that’s the whole message.

I also do all this for very selfish reasons. I want to be loved! I want to be surrounded by the people I love! And I don’t want an epitaph that reads, “She was a bitter, lonely woman who contributed nothing to this world” or “Wendy who?”

So let’s get out there and marvel at the beauty and love that ACTUALLY EXISTS. Let’s love on those who need it. Let’s make ourselves trustworthy enough to receive each other as whole, flawed, mistake-making, sick, succulent, fully formed, beautiful, juicy souls so that we can actually make this world even better. 

With all that being said, I’ve got hatches to batten, cuz we might be in for a bit of a blow! Likely not, but just in case…

OPPORTUNITIES FOR LOVE ABOUND! TAKE NOTICE!

(Dedicated to my chosen family, The Daily Daisies, who allow me to be me… but that’s a blog post for another time)