My Story

Much has been made here of late regarding remarks made by a presidential candidate about women, women’s bodies, and grabbing women by the private parts because “when you’re a star you can do that.” Asked about the offensive, insensitive, illuminating remarks, he pretty much brushed them aside, claiming they were not more than “locker room banter”. As if that kind of common place talk is just light-hearted fun. No harm, right? Who does it hurt?

It hurts.

When I was 19, I was so very naive. I never drank much, I lived at home, and didn’t really date much. One day an acquaintance, (we’ll call him R) came into the camera store where I worked. He was tall, kinda good looking, and had been a sort of a local college basketball star. After perusing the camera bags and whatnot he told me that both his pregnant wife and my very good friend, (we’ll call him H)  were meeting him at the bar in a nearby restaurant, and I should join them. Wow! I was going to hang out with the older crowd! When I got to the place it was pretty empty, save for R sitting at the bar. Remarking that the others would be there soon, he offered to buy me a drink while we waited. We chatted about the expected baby, that he hoped it would be a boy. We talked about how H was such a good friend.  Then he bought me another drink. Now, remember, I almost never drank, but I was hanging out with the older crowd!

Needless to say, Wife and H never showed up.

Next thing I knew, R was taking me out to the parking lot. He put me into the back of my car, saying he was going to drive me home (I was pretty drunk by then, having had a whole 2 drinks). But he didn’t. Instead he reached up under my skirt and “grabbed me by the pussy”. Then he raped me.

No one heard me protest, because there wasn’t anyone else around. He made comments that let me know that, because he had been a Big Man On Campus, I should be happy. I should be happy. Because he was entitled.

Because he was married and a good friend of my good friend, I trusted him. I didn’t ask for it to happen. I wasn’t flirty, (didn’t even know how to be). I wasn’t wearing provocative clothes. But even if I were, I said no. And he didn’t listen.

I never said anything to anyone. I was so scared of what people would think.

He didn’t even drive me home.

This is how I lost my virginity.

Language such as Mr. Trump used on the bus that day normalized “rape culture”.